Merry Christmas!

With the holidays in full swing, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  Here are pictures from some holiday parties we've attended, full of:  

adorable little ones,

 

cookie decorating,

good friends,

beautiful creations,

well needed rest, 

winter weather,

wonderful food, 

warm hugs,

and the blessings of celebrating when Love took on skin, 

God-man came with grace and mercy,

with tidings of comfort and joy. 

Merry Christmas to you all!

birthday beaching

Twenty-six snuck up on me this year, back in November.  Tucked in between exams and commutes, the chance to memorialize another year of blessings almost slipped by unnoticed. 

But beauty called, and Mark had the good sense to help me answer.  

We walked for several hours, and I learned that these birds are called sandpipers and a wheat-like grass grows on the beach.

A drenched little butterfly washed up out of the ocean a few feet ahead of us.  Mark tried to save many similar butterflies as a child, but none had ever survived, he said.  We stooped to pick it up, careful not to touch its wings despite the sand that glimmered on its delicate surfaces.

We would try to save this little one anyway.    

I don't know whether the little butterfly has the stamina to recover its turmoil; we left it perched on a sign, sunning and drying.  So fragile, so hopeful, I said a little prayer for it.  G-d cares for even the sparrows, and surely, this little one too.

(From the camera archives...)

It was a beautiful birthday, one of the many thousands of blessings I have been given.

#22-29 of the thousands of blessings
~ a thoughtful and adventurous fiance
~ visiting with our families for the holidays
~ safe travels
~ fresh and real snow for skiing with Mark's dad, my first black diamond
~ our parents and their example of dealing with great challenges
~ a warm bed & good night stories
~ thoughtful neighbors who drop casseroles by
~ a fun evening with some of Mark's high school friends

 
 

ringing the bell

The bell rang with a finality I couldn't feel in my heart that first time.

Outgoing students had gathered to ring the school's steepled bell, according to treasured tradition.  We climbed old wooden stairs, bowing under the weight of many feet and years.  My first ringing was timid, under appreciated.  I hadn't realized what it meant to be leaving then, or what it would mean to have to come back.

Now, this second time around, I pulled hard on that grainy rope.  The bell rang deep and clear this time, with laughter and pictures and hot apple cider.  Even the littlest one seemed to enjoy the adventure, despite his insistence that we "go to the inside" to escape the ever growing cold.     

I know that in the relative near future, I will miss all these halls, the bricks that leak history.  I know I am a student at heart.  This place has a special hold on me.

But for now, I am so grateful for closure.  And sleep.

mittens

When I helped to milk the cows in the winter while I was growing up, I would wear two pairs of thick cotton gloves with a pair of disposable plastic gloves over them to keep everything dry.  While my movement was constricted a bit, it was the only way I could ever figure out to keep my hands warm, dry, and limber enough to complete my tasks.  I've always been partial to gloves instead of mittens based on these experiences. 

Now that I'm not on the farm, I have a big pair of pretty, fluffy, red fleece gloves.  They have cute white seams on the edges that make me love them even though they are about two sizes too big.

It's rain-snowing outside right now.  As a walked to the library this morning, my hands couldn't seem to stay warm.  Despite the multiple layers of fleece, my pretty puffy red gloves simply weren't holding in the heat, failing to protect my fingers from the wind and cold.  And given my discomfort, the prospect of mittens actually sounded pleasant.  Mittens would keep my fingers together, allowing them to experience friction, sharing and generating heat.
 
A small voice spoke in my head, reminding me that I have often preferred cold reality of individual insulation to challenges of creating a warm community.  And yet, the community I have-- Mark, family, friends, church, and colleagues-- are the only thing that have made finishing this degree possible.  I'm only one, eight hour exam away from finishing, and it's a tribute to the love and support that they have given me.

And so.... the endless, gifts continue.... #11-21

~ my mitten of community
~ my graduation ceremony on Saturday, a step of faith since I haven't actually finished quite yet
~ grace and strength for finishing papers and finals
~ safety during travels and commuting
~ the Yule Log Ceremony, my favorite holiday tradition at the College
~ the kindness of a friend sharing her internet  and company
~ holiday parties that bring together friends from seasons past
~ a fiance who cooks dinner when I've written up to a deadline
~ "White Christmas" and heroes of many kinds
~ a warm bed and food on the table
~ the Dwelling Place Adopt-a-Room Program

notes of encouragement

This morning, I took out a little box of notes I've saved over the years.  They are from people who have known me at radically different times and situations in my life.  Some of the authors are still friends; other have faded out of my life.  One author even went Home. 

These notes of encouragement help me to remember who I want to be, even if I don't feel like that person right now.  They admonish me to stay dedicated to G-d, relationships, and purposes of redemption in this world.  They remind me to foster the gift of comforting and listening, even when I'm busy.  They compel me to persevere.

Their words have power, and they 'just' encourage me.   

Thousands of Gifts

A Holy Experience, written by Ann Voskamp, has challenged and inspired me lately.  Ann's words remind me of my roots of faith, family, and farming.  Her pictures ring true for me.  Her father's-- and Father's-- hands look like mine. Even though my world looks very different from her right now, she still feels like a kindred spirit (even though she points out that her name is spelled without the 'e').    

I'm planning on linking up to her blog through a community called One Thousand Gifts.



Maybe I will write a post explaining why I've undertaken gratitude journal, but my energy is lacking now.  Suffice it to say that I believe that practicing gratitude can change a person in a good, godly way.  Writing it down here is simply a way of keeping myself accountable and to share the blessings of thankfulness.  There's more to it, but that will have to do for now.

#1-10 of the Thousands of Gifts
~ a patient fiance
~ Isaiah 30:21- "Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it."
~ catching up with a dear sister
~ a quiet house
~ tears that give release
~ wisdom shared by pastors during pre-martial counseling
~ cleaning and feeling helpful
~ a friend's defense on Tuesday, long awaited closure
~ the generosity of grandparents
~ being included in emails from my new family

term paper

I have been writing a lot lately.  Not the kind of writing that I prefer.  The kind that I must.

And the right words were not coming, the pages scattered with words, leaves without a trunk.  I had been staring at them, scratching out the pages, doubting my argument, for several weeks.  I wanted desperately for them to make sense, to be wise, to be finished.

A walk was necessary-- and prayer. I finger my dove necklace, praying for peace... and wisdom, clarity, and closure.  For the end of the storm, and the paper. 
 
And I was blessed when I returned.  The winds of doubt cleared, and my thoughts were freed.  In several hours, twenty odd and disjointed pages became thirty somewhat better, more structured ones.  The argument finally made sense.

More importantly, I was not ashamed to defend my position.

It was the grace and mercy of G-d displayed in a term paper.

the last

In twenty minutes, I will have my last class at The College. 

It's hard to believe, harder still to understand.  I feel like I should be excited or sad, but it mostly just feels like I'm going to class.

Like normal. 

And it occurs to me that life is made up of these little normal moments that slide by.... sometimes unnoticed, sometimes celebrated, sometimes grieved. 

I want to learn to take pictures.  So that I can make a record of normal moments.  If I had a camera right now, I'd take a picture of my coffee cup, my books, my planner and phone strewn across this desk, laying on coat and scarf crumpled up but relieved of the cold.  And although the awful fluorescent light would probably skew the beauty, I would record this moment. The normalcy of finishing something you started.

May my song and prayer and testimony be that, by the grace of G-d,  "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (2 Timothy 4:7)  May I notice the normal, be present in it, and live it in faithfulness.

Thanksgiving with the Weasleys

When people ask me to describe my family, I usually start rambling about us being loud and goofy, but sort of introverted and overly thoughtful, and really open to new people so there's never enough beds for all the people at holidays, and of course, interested in saving the world.

While this description creates a very interesting run-on sentence, people usually seem more confused than enlightened. 

A new way to describe my family came to me this morning... my family is like the Weasley family from Harry Potter.  We don't have red hair, and we're not wizards.  And there of no twins.  But other than that, it's pretty much the same.  Everything is loud and energetic until everyone passes out from exhaustion.  There are always random people hanging around from other countries or families, and Mom jokes that she collects stray children instead of animals.  There's usually someone playing a practical joke, but simultaneously, others sitting in the corner discussing the state of politics or religion. The house is usually a "good mess, the proof of life," and thankfully, there's always enough to go around even if it's not fancy.

Thanksgiving was a great time to enjoy these dynamics, as well as to blend them with Mark's family's characteristics.  Mark and I are very blessed to have such wonderful families who seem to enjoy each other, even though they are pretty different.

I hope you had a good Thanksgiving too!

moving forward

Graduate school has seemed like a much longer haul than undergraduate.  Of course, in reality, it's only been 2.5 years instead of 4.  Still, I'm going to be done in mid-December, and I am really grateful to move forward. 

And I am officially going to be working at a hospital as a research assistant in the pediatric surgery group.  I'm really excited to be starting a new chapter and moving forward in my life and career.  It will be a blessing not to have to commute to or live in a different city from Mark, especially once we get married.  And I'm excited to be getting more clinical experience that will be more informative than filing charts. 

I'm especially grateful for this job, given the economy.  This is my daily bread, and I'm very thankful. 

election results

When something really annoys me, I always try to consider Jesus' words in Matthew 7:5: "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."  Usually I find that I need an attitude adjustment, even if my annoyance is still legitimate.

Such was the case when I was driving to work this morning, listening to the results of the election.  So for the sake of full disclosure and avoidance of hypocrisy, I admit that I did not vote yesterday.  Normally, I vote in every election, but I didn't vote in this one.  It was a mistake of paperwork, and I did not put forth due effort to correct the problem.  When I moved, I changed my DMV address and neglected to change my voter registration.  In effect, I became ineligible to vote at either my old or new polling station.  I didn't get it fixed fast enough to be able to vote this year. So, I fully admit that I did not complete my civic duty in this midterm election. 

So, I can only be so annoyed at people that I hear on the radio who are decrying this or that, because I admit, I didn't vote.  But my annoyance still stands.  I respect peoples' right to express their opinions, but I get really frustrated when I hear people saying things like, "I lost a lot of money in the economic downturn, and they (the government) haven't doing anything about it!"  

I want to respond, saying, "I am sorry that you lost a lot of money during this crisis, but I disagree that the government hasn't done anything about it.  The government is made up of real people-- your neighbors some of them-- who are trying to alleviate this problem regardless of their political affiliation.  You may totally disagree with their methods, and I would be interested in hearing your ideas about how they could improve or about policies that might help.  But please do not accuse them of apathy.  Just because the economy is still struggling doesn't mean they aren't trying.  I am sorry that you haven't felt, or haven't recognized, the effects of their work.  They will continue to try to make it better for you and this country."

And then I just to tell them to go study economics and policy (shocking, I know) so that maybe they can actually have an informed, grounded, knowledgeable, and consistent opinion about anything.

It's mean, I know.  I can't say that I have an informed, grounded, knowledgeable, and consistent opinion, and I'm studying policy full-time.  In fact, the more I study, the more moderate I get.  But I guess my point is that government isn't this big, bag wolf out their who is trying to neglect the public, or worse yet, sabotage it.  Indeed, there have been governments like this in the past, and America's government is not immune to that possibility.  However, at the present, I think that the government is more like a huge, complex balancing trick, performed by our neighbors, and representing a vast collection of interests competing for scarce resources.  So, despite my failure to vote, I want to suggest that these people re-imagine the government as an organization in which they can be involved if they so choose.  But if they choose not to be involved and can't say something knowledgeable about politics or economics, then I wish they wouldn't say anything at all.

puppy love

My best friend from high school got married while we were in college.  For modern America, they got married young, but I never doubted that they were making a good decision.  They had seriously considered marriage, and in my opinion, they had realistic expectations.  During one of our late night chats about her anticipated marriage, my friend said something like this to me, "Well, I have chosen to marry him.  I love him, yes, but there are lots of times I don't feel like that.  When it comes down to it, getting married-- and staying married-- is a choice. "*

I've come to believe this as well.  Essentially, I don't believe that Mark is the one and only man I could marry.   But having given consideration, premarital counseling, prayer, and family input to the decision, I feel peaceful (and excited) about marrying Mark.  I'm sure we'll have our share of frustrations and tribulations, but I feel like we'll do our best to stick it out and find joy in the relationship over time.


Given this relatively new level of comfort with commitment, I've been wondering how I can be so peaceful about getting married but so freaked out about a career.   After much consideration, I think I've come to an answer: I haven't sufficiently dated medicine.


I don't know medicine like I know Mark.  I'm not comfortably familiar with what it's like to be a doctor on a daily basis. Sure, I've filed charts, been a nursing aide, volunteered, etc.  But I haven't spent enough time with doctors to know what it's like to be one.  I'm sort of still in puppy love with medicine.  And that simply is not enough to give me the confidence to pursue such a long, expensive, and taxing path.


I need to know what it's like to be a doctor more thoroughly.  I need to figure out whether I can have a grown-up relationship with medicine, willing to stay with it in the good and bad times.  Not teenage, Twilight, "I can't live without you" love.  Not idealizing, "he's so dreamy!" puppy love. I need to find out if I have real love for being a doctor--- the kind that is undergirded by purpose, joy, and peacefulness even though takes a lot of service, dedication, and commitment.  The kind that is willing to go through the difficulties, because there is a lot of good to make and be had.


And gosh darn it, I can't figure that out by filing charts anymore.


*I'm probably a little bit overly sensitive, but I just want to be clear that if you happen to be reading this and you are in a destructive or abusive marriage, please don't read any of this to imply that the choice to stay married is always the absolute best one.  Please talk to a trusted friend or counselor about your situation! 

"Holy false dichotomy, Batman!"

The exclamation caught me off guard.

A pastor and I were discussing the "best" way to serve "the poor."  An article written by Shane Claiborne had sparked our conversation. Claiborne suggests that charities perpetuate an economic (capitalist) system that keep the poor oppressed.  He decries that charities separate classes of people, isolating the poor and insulating the rich.  Living on one of the most marginalized streets in Philly, Claiborne wants his readers to know that his neighbors are real people, not just causes, not just "the poor."

How should we (particularly Christians) respond?  One extreme approach is that we should all sell everything we have and give it away and live in very frugal ways among our marginalized brothers and sisters.  Jesus did tell one rich young ruler to do that.  It seems like a legitimate option, one practiced by Claiborne himself. 

The other extreme is that we should all become rich and give money to charities.  We probably won't have time to hang out with our marginalized brothers and sisters, but we could generate a lot resources for them.  And, there were rich people in the Bible like Lydia, a dealer of fine purple cloth, who supported the apostles' work financially through their businesses.

And so, being a person drawn to extremes, I have often felt torn and guilty about my place on this spectrum, somewhere in the massive middle.  The pastor offered my guilty conscience a wise suggestion: beware of false dichotomies!  Shockingly, writing a check to United Way and befriending your neighbors are not mutually exclusive!!

Charitable organizations have a place in our society (at least for now).  Responsible charities do the really hard work of figuring out how to respectfully and knowledgeably partnering with their recipients to affect change.  I could never do that as well as they do unless it was my full-time job.  And I couldn't be a doctor if that was my full-time job.  So, supporting charitable organizations financially seems like potentially good way to provide resources for good work that I can't do in person.

On the other hand, substituting charity for relationship is dangerous.  Iron sharpens iron, and people smooth out each others' sharp corners.   Relationships that bridge racial, ethnic, religious, socioeconomic, and other separations can be particularly smoothing!  For me to write a check in lieu of these relationships could lead to isolation.  And isolation is dangerous, because it is likely to skew my perspective in inaccurate ways.


So I think it's best for me not to fall into one extreme or the other, imitating someone else's position.  Instead, I should let G-d place me on the spectrum right where I belong.  After, just as the body is not just made up of the eye, neither is the battle against injustice fought by only rich or only poor men.

And, in my spot, my conscience feels a little better too.

my little brother is married!

Congratulations to the happy couple!  

May G-d give you joy and courage in fulfilling the vows you have made to each other. May you be blessed with wisdom and forgiveness when it's difficult to do. And may those that love you surround you with love and encouragement in this journey!

I love you both!

PS. Road trip with fiance to beloved town of post-college freedom.  Check. 

mommy

All with husbands in the medical corps of the military, you and your two friends sit across from me in the coffeeshop discussing everything from perineal rips during pregnancy to sales at Costco.  You are nursing your fourth, a cute little girl with a white beanie and a huge pink flower.  Beside you, your friend with the an obvious baby bump anticipates her gestational diabetes test on Monday.  Your third friend wishes for a third little child, but her two children seem to be a little older.

I wonder what you talked about before you had children. I haven't heard you reference a pre-baby life.  Your pregnant friend mentions a department barbecue.  The other is dietitian who trained at a big college and worked in DC for awhile.  But honestly, it doesn't matter what you did before.  You love what you do now. 

Despite your domestic focus, you've been all over the world. Between you and your friends, you have stretched to Japan, Cuba, and Afghanistan (at least).  You know people all over the world and laugh at stories of cultural misunderstandings and struggles. 

Within your little circle, you don't really know each others' personal histories.  You learn tidbits as you go, but you seem to build quick friendships over shared experiences.

I wonder if this is how you imagined your life when you were my age.  Regardless, you appear to be at peace with your place in life.  I admire your grace.   

copyright

I don't read this comic, but Mark does.  This frame came up when I googled "copyright images" for my law and economics class. 

It is very pleasant, and I feel the same way (thankfully).

apology and questions

If anyone uses a subscription or Google reader to read this blog, I apologize if the last post showed up a bazillion times due to multiple resubmissions.

Can anyone tell me whether it did or not?  I'm still trying to figure out how that works.

Thanks!

a thrill

*************************************************************************

"That's Barry's pond," Matthew said.

[Anne replied,] "Oh, I don't like that name, either. I shall call it the Lake of Shining Waters. Yes, that is the right name for it. I know because of the thrill. When I hit on a name that suits exactly, it gives me a thrill. Do things ever give you a thrill?"

Matthew ruminated.

"Well now, yes. It always kind of gives me a thrill to see them ugly white grubs that spade up in the cucumber beds. I hate the look of them."

"Oh, I don't think that can be exactly the same kind of thrill. Do you think it can? There doesn't seem to be much connection between grubs and lakes of shining water, does there?"

-Lucy Maud Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

 
*************************************************************************

When I was introduced to Maxwell's equations in physics class, I was thrilled like Anne beholding the Lake of Shining Waters for the first time.  The math was beautiful and predictive.  I was in awe of the law of the natural universe, and man's ability to stumble upon understanding of it. Now, I am not in any physics classes this semester, but I am taking cross section econometrics.  I am acquainted personally with individuals who feel invigorated during discussions of instrumental variables and model specification, but I simply cannot muster the awe. They can't be exactly be the same kind of thrill, can they?  :)


All academic dorkiness aside, my heart craves beauty -- a thrill-- right now.  I want to paint or sculpt or sing in a choir or perform a dance or stand at the top of a mountain and drink in the hills below.    I'm feeling tired of people-- and all of our complications, communication problems, and uncertainties. I love those that surround me, but I think a retreat is in order.


Maybe I'll go find my own Lake of Shining Water.


What do you do when you need to recharge?

constitutional freedoms

A friend posted this article from the New York Times, and I hope many people read it.

If we don't believe in constitutional rights for those with whom we disagree, it is questionable whether we ever believed in them at all.

an old friend

I've often heard people say that blogging is just a technological advanced version of narcissism.  Okay, maybe not in those words exactly, but it's what they mean. 

For example, I've comments such as, "It [the internet/blogging/facebook/Twitter] just lets everyone think that their opinions and activity are so important.  It's just really egotistical."

I get what they mean.  I'm allergic to Twitter and facebook statuses.  I, too, don't value the minutia of other peoples' lives being spread all over information waves ("I just took a shower and sang Taylor Swift!!", "So -and-so is dating so-and-who, but it's complicated.", etc.). 

But there are a few blogs that I love. 

This morning, I could not have been happier to read this anniversary celebration from an old friend who has a sweet sense of humor and mutual love of the great outdoors.  Posts like these are the beauty of the internet in my opinion.  These bright spots make wading through the information age worth it.  You just have to choose carefully what you share and -- even more perhaps -- what you take in.

first day of school

Today is my last first day of graduate school.

I sort of wish I had a new pink backpack with my favorite cartoon character.  That would totally be appropriate for the law school, right?

back to school

In a little less than a week, I will start my last semester of graduate school.  Nevermind medical school, I never have to take another class at The College again!  Of course, being the sheer dork I am, I might take microbiology... or Spanish... or underwater basketweaving... just because I want to.

Of course, in theory, I have wanted to take all of the classes I've taken at The College.  I signed up for undergrad and graduate school.  I must have wanted to take these classes, right?

Sort of.

I made a good decision in undergraduate to explore all the options for careers I thought I might love.  When I realized there were simply too many things I thought I loved, I picked one and went to graduate school.  It wasn't a well informed decision, and it turns out, I don't actually love health policy as it is usually practiced.

But you live and learn, and I'm doing my darnedest not to make an uninformed decision about medicine now.  After all, two years of graduate school can be pretty gross, but four years of medical school and at least three years of residency sound terribly dreadful if I were making the wrong decision this time!

small victories

I've been working as a research assistant for the Schroeder Center for Health Policy for the last six months or so.  I have assisted with studies that range from local school health curriculum evaluations to questions related to federal Medicare policies.  While I don't have much to show for my work besides huge Excel data files and lots of grant queries, I'm happy to say that I'm officially a co-author on a technical report!

The report is an evaluation of an elementary school curriculum that attempts to integrate physical activity into academic subjects.  Unfortunately, you cannot read the report, because the data and results are proprietary.  The results were simply returned to the Center's client and cannot be accessed by the general public.  In fact, you cannot even read my name on the cover of the report, "Assessing Physical Activity in the Classroom in the Wellness Integration Program"..... but I promise, it's the third (and last) blurry name on the cover!  My superiors did the truly difficult work of designing and interpreting the study, but I assisted with data collection, cleaning, and programming. Pretty cool!

face lift

I've updated and changed the layout of this blog, because Blogger added a bunch of new cool options. As a heads up though, Mark and I have been thinking about starting a new blog together. Maybe we'd actually write more on it if we do it together!

In the mean time, I'm switching gears a little. It's funny that I started this blog almost exactly a year ago to chronicle trying a bunch of new things and meeting goals. The funny thing is not that I haven't accomplished hardly any of them; it's that I've realized that so many of them aren't that important to me. Maybe this blog has helped me sort out which goals-- which versions of myself-- are actually the important ones. I think that's valuable even if it wasn't the original goal.  So I'm going to get rid of a bunch of the labels that I previously had and focus on the things that are really important.

And speaking of really important things, Mark and I got engaged on June 19th! We've had a great time being engaged for almost two months now, and we are looking forward to getting married in the spring. Thanks to all our loving family and friends for encouraging and supporting us and our relationship!  And just so you know, due to Mark's school track, my plans have changed.  I actually have 2 years (instead of 1) as of now until I begin medical school (hopefully).  A whole other year to amuse myself!

 PS.  Hopefully I'll have some pictures soon of our summer adventure to Florida and such.  

post-MCAT

It's over! Yay! I have to wait a month to get my scores, and then hopefully, I won't have need to take it again. Either way, I'm enjoying a week off and loving summer!

The morning before my test, my pre-med adviser sent her listserv a transcript of a speech given by Dr. Atul Gwande to Stanford's graduating medical class this year. I enjoy Dr. Gwande's writing, and this piece is no exception. Reading it before I left to take my test was a good and timely reminder of why I was taking the MCAT in the first place.

The conclusion:

"You are joining a special profession. Doctors and scientists, we are all in the survival business, but we are also in the mortality business. Our successes will always be restricted by the limits of knowledge and human capability, by the inevitability of suffering and death. Meaning comes from each of us finding ways to help people and communities make the most of what is known and cope with what is not.

This will take science. It will take art. It will take innovation. It will take ambition. And it will take humility. But the fantastic thing is: This is what you get to do."

-Dr. Atul Gwande, The New Yorker, June 16, 2010

PS. The poison ivy is almost all gone. :)

MCAT

It's almost here! Yay!

It will be really nice to have this part of the pre-med journey finished. I find the material interesting in many cases, but the ordeal feels more like jumps through circus rings than authentic learning. As with any standardized test, the side effect of creating a bar over which students must jump is that they are tempted to focus on the bar, not the material.

In other news, I have officially been initiated as a cyclist. I had my first real crash on Saturday-- complete with an ambulance ride and ER visit. As it turns out, nothing is broken, and my gait is pretty much back to normal after several days of being gimpy. The most lasting evidences of my crash as of now are a) the large road rash on my forearm and b) the immense amounts of poison ivy all over my legs from the ditch in which I fell. Yay for taking up new hobbies?!?!

reciprocity

I volunteer at a conference called Hugh O'Brian Youth Leadership just about every year. Although it is an international organization, I have participated in the Central Pennsylvania seminar almost exclusively.

HOBY, as alumni call it, seeks to engage one tenth graders from all participating schools in critical thinking and volunteer service. Our goal is to encourage students to consider how to think, not what to think. I believe in this goal to be worthy of every single second of sacrifice made by the volunteers who organize the conference.

However, this year, I returned from the conference pondering the concept of reciprocity. What do the HOBY volunteers get out of volunteering? Are we being honest with ourselves about how much we receive and give?

Being honest about what one receives as a volunteer is important. Without acknowledging this reciprocity, a volunteer risks a) becoming arrogant about how wonderful a thing she is doing because she realizes she receives at the same time and b) becoming burnt out from giving to things that do not encourage her spirit.

Another danger lurks when reciprocity is not acknowledged. A volunteer can make the service project more profitable for the herself than for the people who are supposedly benefiting from the service.

I have a lot to consider about my role in HOBY. More to come. I would definitely appreciate your thoughts on the matter of reciprocity in service if you have any. :)

Shalom.

science and art

It took me forever-- or what felt close to it-- to commit to walking down this path. Call it indecision or curiosity, but I explored a lot of other roads before I picked this one. And while those other roads were interesting and sometimes fancy, the path of becoming a doctor seems to be the only one that has managed to keep my attention for very long.

But now, the pre-med classes are over, and *only* the MCAT and application process await.

Despite my long courtship with medicine, what really attracts me-- what keeps me interested and willing to trudge through silly labs and long finals-- is medicine's constant and delicate balance of the concrete and abstract.

Did you know that there is a protein that essentially walks around in our cells on tracks carrying products of cellular metabolism? And even though we do not know why many of our cells do not regenerate on their own, researchers at Wake Forest have created functional heart cells using what sort of looks like a color printer? There is so much concrete scientific knowledge to learn, I could never even hope to keep up with every corner of it.

And yet, so much of medicine is more or different than this--- less defined, more abstract, terribly messy and real and amazing and terrifying. I recently discovered this website, 6YearMed, courtesy of L's blog. In a smart, witty, and profound way, this pediatrician speaks about the joys and deep heartbreaks of the art of medicine. Her knowledge and experience far surpasses my own.

A best friend of mine, B, said to me a couple years ago, "Amy, you just need to pick something that seems really hard to you, and go for it. Maybe then you won't get bored."

I think I found my choice. And I don't think there will ever be good reason to be bored.

snow day

Today is the first snow I've had from school in many moons, and I am so very grateful!

I know that nature sometimes throws nasty curve balls that wreak havoc in our lives. Such was the case with the earthquake in Haiti and so many other horrible natural disasters. At these times, nature seems reckless and unconcerned with our safety or order.

Yet, in smaller, more moderate doses, nature seems merciful in her ability to pause the busy pace of life. She breaks the monotony of schedules with the beauty of snow and gives me the opportunity to catch up on neglected homework, cleaning and sleep.

What are you doing with your snow day(s)?

DOG Street

Flat Stanley

My little cousin, Carol, is doing a unit in school with the children's book "Flat Stanley." In case you aren't familiar with the story, it is about a little boy who gets flatten by a bulletin board and can then mail himself to visit places around the world. And in case you are worried, he can also blow himself up with a bike pump so he can be normal.

So not long ago, I received a Flat Stanley in that mail, and we went on an adventure in Williamsburg. I've included lots of pictures though I only sent the most proper ones to Carol and her class. :)

True love

Tribe Pride

J, TJ, and Stanley

K, M, and Stanley in a jumping picture (of course)

To the stocks with you!

Taco Night at EVMS

side note

I realized that I neglected to acknowledge that I accomplished a heretofore unmentioned goal... be a pet owner! Actually, this wasn't a goal per say, but I did make several (maybe more) wistful comments about wanting a kitten or a puppy last fall. Given that puppy was probably more responsibility than I can take on right now given my schedule, a kitten seemed like a good idea.

And so for Christmas, Mark (insightfully and kindly) arranged for me to adopt a cat of my choice. I picked a lovely black and gray tabby nine month old cat named Squirt who I promptly renamed Willow. Even though I'm usually a believer in the permanence of names, I didn't like Squirt at all. Honestly, the cat doesn't seem to care one way or the other.

She's great fun and full of energy. She's actually a lot like a puppy... very affectionate and playful... but she's already litter trained!! The best of both worlds!

Quick shout out to the Humane Society where Willow lived the first part of her life... the people that work there are wonderful. Willow seemed very well cared for even though she has definitely come out of her shell since coming home. If you are considering getting a pet, please considering adopting....and as Bob Barker would say, remember to get your pets spayed and neutered!

So here's to becoming a cat lady. I'm probably well on my way with this post! :)

another one bite the dust

I think that humility is needed in an adventure like this. After all, there simply is not enough time in a day to do everything. Additionally, this is an adventure in learning about myself and interestingly, I've learned that there are some desires that I thought I had that actually aren't that important to me.

Such is the case with a photography class. I love pictures, and I love that I am borrowing a digital camera right now (thanks Mark!). I also love what picture software like photoshop can do to create an image the expresses an idea in a way that a painting could not. The picture on this post is a gift I made (with a little help from Sara and Erica!) for Mark for his birthday. It was his idea, a reflection on a medical trip he took to Honduras. I am really pleased with how it turned out!

And so my itch for an introduction to photography and editing has been scratched. And when it comes down to it, I have realized that I don't really care about appetures or lenses that much. I just want to get an idea, a dream, a picture, or some piece of beauty saved for later consideration. Of course, I admire those people who do care, and they are probably much more able to skillfully capture moments and ideas than I am. But my amateur skill level is fine for my taste for now.

And so another goal bites the dust in my journey of self-discovery and goal-making.

In other news, I am signed up for a marathon for November. This is good for two reasons: 1) I am much more consistent in running now than I would be. I'm motivated to train now so I don't pass out then; and 2) it will probably be the first goal I actually (hopefully) finish!! Yay!!